Digte

Louise Greiner

aka Den Tatoverede Børnebibliotekar

 

Disclaimer: nogle af digtene er skrevet med udgangspunkt i mine alter egoer: divers rollespilskarakterer. Andre er skrevet på baggrund af mine egne oplevelser og følelser.

Jeg siger ikke hvad der er hvad, for det er ikke det, der er pointen med dem.

 

Puslespil på 1000 brikker

 

Jeg fik skubbet til puslespillet

Så det røg på gulvet

I præcis 1000 stykker

Det tog mig den halve weekend (og lidt til)

At få det samlet igen

Men det er sært

Der er brikker, der ikke skulle være der

Og jeg mangler nogen

Billedet er anderledes

Jeg skal lige vænne mig til det

Dele af det smuldrer i mine hænder

Måske passer de bare ikke helt rigtigt sammen

Brikkerne

 

Begone lover

 

My lover has left me behind

For no good reason

And before I was ready to release him

He has turned and fled

And I stand abandoned

Angry and torn

With an itch beneath my skin that is him

And I will weep him out

And sweat him out

And bleed him out

And piss him out

And laugh him out

And talk him out

And sleep him out

Dream him out

And kiss him out

And fuck him out

I will wash him off my body

And out of my hair

I will forget his scent

His hands and his mouth

I will no longer flinch at the sight of his name

Or a glimpse of his face

I will have left him behind

And I won’t go back again

 

 

Heart transplant

 

I buried my broken heart today

In a shallow grave amongst the roses, yes

But buried none the less

I can’t believe I let it stay broken for so long

I attempted to glue it back together

But I couldn’t find all the pieces…

So it remained unfinished

Mended, but dented and well… broken

All those little pieces have been passing around in my body

They have infected me

Wounds that should have healed years ago

Have stayed putrid and bleeding puss

Wrecking me with tender pain

Hardening me towards any new attempts

I should have discarded it years ago

Maybe now that I have torn it out of my body

I can heal again

Maybe even grow a new heart...

And stop being so afraid of having it broken further

A dented heart shatters so easily

And I’ve been so careful with it

Played it safe

Dallied with those who could never break it

Because I didn’t (couldn't?) love them

Sad, I know

And foolish of me

Love is about taking chances

About risking the heart

Well, I’ve buried the broken one

All I can do now

Is wait for a fresh one to bloom

 

 

 

The mystery

 

Maybe a flock of butterflies flew down my throat one night when I was sleeping -

something flutters and flaps around in my stomach for sure.

Or maybe I have swallowed a snake -

because something writhes and slithers around inside

Or maybe (and this I agree is somewhat unlikely) someone has dumped illigal barrels of carbon dioxide into my belly in the dark of night -

because it tickles and bubbles away in my entire system!

And for good measure they turned up the heat (for I am practically burning up here!)

and they cut down on my oxygen supply (I'm a little dizzy too)

and somehow they also turned every step into a 100 meter run uphill (my heart is beating like crazy)

It's a mystery!

and yet wittnesses had described the guilty part

and as eyes and smiles and movements of hands are described to me

I know who it is...

It's all right, then, I file no charges...

though that someone has just caused yet another anomaly;

my smile suddenly turns extremely silly and a giggle escape my lips!

 

 

Something better than magic

 

I had been tumbling around

Upside down and twisted

Feet in the air and head towards ground

Spinning and turning and quite delirious

There were arms that caught me

And eased me to the ground

And a smile like sunshine

Burst into my heart

I was far away from home

But not lost, not alone

As he stood by me

And seemed determined to stay

He asks for nothing

But gives me a world

Of love and friendship and laughs

Understanding and acceptance.

Wouldn’t I be lost now without him?

He seems to know always where I am

How is it that he knows so well

When to hold me and when to kick my ass?

He provokes me and shakes me

He comforts me and loves me

He screams at me and kisses me

And altogether makes

My best friend

 

Weatherman

 

One step closer

And I surrender completely

Forgetting a while everything golden

Because of this shining boy

Hands and mouths and naked skin

This sudden urge to tear off clothes

Of giving in to temptation

Leaving all sense behind

Bury my face in his embrace

Taking in everything he has to give

Burning him, while he burns me

Touching molten lead

We can never escape untouched

See the marks on my body, now

And tell me I got them in a fall

What a fall!

But heed my warning sign!

And ignore my pleadings

To come closer

To touch me just one more time

All I long for now

Is being there again

In our twisting and turning body

Completely lost in one another

I could tempt you once more, and say

Let’s do it, then

Just this once…

Kill the mystery there is in wondering

Do you really want to know how the weather works?

 

 

Elegy for Beauty Incarnated

The sun will never rise again

The moon has abandoned our sky

The churchbells sing their sad refrain

As we kneel to say goodbye

The birds have fallen to the ground

Deep silence have prevailed

Laughter shall never again be found

Even smiles have turned curtailed

Cold wind against my brittle frame

Numb me from head to toe

As I softly whisper that name

That incarnates all my woe

Oh, shall I never see her face

Lit up by her inner sun?

Watch that body full of grace

Show me life has just begun?

How can I go on and live

When my heart has seized to beat?

How can I ask her to forgive

My last words said in heat?

How can I persist to breathe

When all my air is gone?

The blood inside me boil and seethe

Red like the extinct dawn

Could we go back a single day

I could tell her of my love

She would smile so bright and gay

Like sunshine from above

And she would touch my face like so

A gentle touch and mild

Before she turned away to go

So beautiful and wild

And I would know I had been blessed

With love so freely given

The sin would never be confessed

From my heart never driven

 

 

Damnation

With my mouth against her breast

I loose myself in her scent

Bury my face against her neck

Blur my vision with honey-coloured hair

Let hands play on smooth skin

Soft and shining like silk

Or…

I embrace him from behind

Let my hands explore rippling muscles

Of his chest, stomach, abdomen

Hesitate curiously at the numerous scars

I feel his back against my heaving chest

The mingling of sweat, and scents and moans

These two I long for with my entire being

My body aches for them

My soul longs for the fulfilment they provide

My heart…

No, wait, my heart is somewhere else…

Damn!

My precious sun, my golden boy

At war far from here, far from me

I set him free, I let him go

Brushed the aching demon from his eyes

Kissed him kindly goodbye

As a mother should…

Smiling I bend my head…

Never was I a mother to him

I’ll be his mistress till the end of my days

He’ll be my master

He has my heart…

Damn!

 

 

Painful love

It’s not my heart that’s breaking

It’s just my reaching arm

From dulling sleep I’m waking

To cry out in alarm

I hold you hard in yearning

I kiss your bleeding lips

On my skin bruises are burning

Left by your fingertips

You beat me deaf with silence

You strike me blind with fears

I whisper words of violence

Into your shredded ears

I’m crushed in your embrace

I’m battered with your love

I hide my weeping face

I cry to stars above

You can smother me in flowers

But Darling, don’t you see?

This brutal love of ours

Is just not good for me

 

 

Stolen moments

As the world momentarily turns its head the other way

 

We indulge in sinful activities:

* Curious fingers against flesh

* The soft meeting of lips

* Forbidden words spoken

Any minute now someone will catch a glimpse of us

 

Recognize telltale clues:

* Unmodestly blushing cheeks

* Sharp catchings of breath

* The shining of eyes

We bury ourselves in fairytale dreams

 

Hold reality at bay to avoid:

* The parting of lovers

* The crying of silent tears

* The breaking of hearts

 

 

Translation

 

Speak to me softly

You break me asunder

With your harsh words

And angry eyes

You rip at my heartstrings

With unfeeling hands

The tune you play in me

Is strident and false

You blow me over

With cries like a storm

With nothing to cling to

I whirl in your anger

I’m down on my knees

Bleeding and hurting

A different you comes to me

And holds me close

You whisper word of comfort

In a foreign tongue

You kiss away pain

In places that didn’t hurt

How can it be

You know me so badly?

How can you toss me to the ground

And weep for my pain?

I pull back for selfpreservation

I won’t take this hateful stare

Speak to me in words plainly

Where this hatred comes from

I have hurt you, I know

You hurt me now in return

Are we even, then?

Or through?

I will not have this divided man

I won’t come near you

Never knowing whether

I will weep or laugh next

Speak to me softly

Or don’t speak at all

Come to me in honesty

Or don’t come at all

 

Pyrate poetry 1

 

This is torture!

He stands there; mere two inches starboard

And I cannot reach out and touch him

My own principles stay my hand

Captain’s orders and common sense as well.

Ah, but pirate am I!

I take that which is forbidden to me

I steal kisses of passion

I trick my way to hidden embraces

I board his cabin and have him at my mercy!

I keep these stolen moments in my treasure chest

And nothing is more precious to me

Pyrate petry 2

 

I had thought myself beyond such foolishness

Had never thought that feelings for a mere man

Could surpass my love for the Sea

Now he is the wind that tugs at my hair

He is the spray of salt water on my skin

He is the wave that breaks on my bow

He is the calm days of smooth sailing

He is the storm that wreaks havoc in me

And the wind in my hair is his caress

The salt-water sprays are his kisses on my face

The storm is his embraces

Crushing me tightly to his chest

He is the Ocean from horizon to horizon

And beyond

And I drown in him willingly

Pyrate poetry 3

 

I am a fish out of water.

With desperate eyes and gasping mouth

I cast myself about,

choking on air.

And all these people staring

are like cruel children who,

with grinning faces and hands on knees,

just wait for me to lie still and die.

Only you seem to care about my predicament

With gentle hands and great speed

you carry me towards the ocean

and uncerimonously toss me back

where I belong.

As cool water surround me once more

and dried up gills comes to life

I am suddenly grabbed by panic

at the sight of you

still on shore.

Maybe you belong to this place

where I cannot be?

Then without any further ado

you jump in beside me

transforming your body

into smoothness and shining scales

and happily I sigh;

You are merefolk

- just like me